Who It's For
Professionals who are feeling unfulfilled and uninspired in their careers, and are looking for ways to find more meaning and fulfillment in their work.
Parents who are seeking to raise children who are happy, healthy, and resilient, and who are looking for guidance on how to instill a sense of meaning and purpose in their children's lives.
Individuals who are dealing with personal struggles, such as illness, loss, or trauma, and who are seeking to find meaning and purpose in the face of adversity.
Core Teachings
Suffering and adversity are an inevitable part of life, and our response to these challenges can be a source of great strength and growth.
The search for meaning and purpose is a fundamental human need, and it is up to each of us to explore and discover what brings meaning and fulfillment to our lives.
We are all connected and interdependent, and our actions have a ripple effect on the world around us.
The present moment is all we have, and it is up to us to make the most of it.
The will to meaning is the primary motivational force in human beings.
Turning Insight Into Action – Applying Core Teachings In Daily Life
Remember that suffering and adversity are an inevitable part of life, and that our response to these challenges can be a source of great strength and growth.
Actively seek out activities and experiences that bring us joy and fulfillment, and that align with our passions and values.
Strive to treat others with kindness and respect, and to always strive to do the right thing, not only for ourselves, but for the greater good.
Live in the present moment, rather than getting caught up in regrets about the past or worries about the future.
Remind ourselves that our search for meaning and purpose is what gives our lives direction and purpose, and that without it, we can feel lost and adrift.
Why You Should Read It
Man's Search for Meaning is a powerful and thought-provoking book that offers valuable insights and wisdom on the human search for meaning and purpose.
This book is relevant and applicable to a wide range of readers who are seeking to find meaning and fulfillment in their lives.
The book explores the fundamental human need for meaning and purpose, and offers practical guidance on how to discover and pursue our own unique paths to fulfillment.
This book is not only inspiring, but also deeply comforting, as it reminds us that the search for meaning is a universal experience, and that we are not alone in our struggles and challenges.
Whether you are dealing with personal struggles, seeking to find your passion and purpose, or simply looking for guidance and inspiration, Man's Search for Meaning is a must-read book that will leave you feeling empowered, inspired, and deeply moved. Buy Man's Search For Meaning.
So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is great good fortune. - Marcus Aurelius
The Stoic school of thought is centered around the idea that we should not be swayed by joy or grief, but instead, learn to accept situations as they are and strive for emotional balance. Applying this mindset in business will help entrepreneurs keep their focus on their goals despite any challenges they may face. This kind of resilience is key to success, as it helps us view things objectively and not let our emotions dictate decisions.
As you kiss your son good night, whisper to yourself, “He may be dead in the morning.” - Epictetus
Although this quote can seem incredibly morbid at first, the ancient Stoics believed that constantly reminding oneself of the impermanence of life can help us maintain perspective and bring a deep appreciation for life in the present moment. The power in Epictetus' quote lies in the idea that anything can be taken away from us at any moment and that anticipating and preparing for that possibility - without allowing it to debilitate us - will help us develop gratitude and make us more resilient to the difficult times we may face along the way. As a business owner, it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and grind of everyday life, but by taking a step back and recognizing the beauty that already exists for us in the present moment, we can remain grounded and focused on the things we value most.
For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them. - Seneca
This notion reminds us that the pursuit of material possessions should be secondary to the pursuit of meaning and purpose. Instead of striving for material gain, entrepreneurs should focus on creating a business that serves the needs of its customers and fulfills its core goals. Admittedly, this can be difficult when faced with the pressure of deadlines and quarterly targets, but by making the intended goal the attainment of wisdom, self-discipline, and an appreciation for those around us, we can set our business up for healthy and sustainable long-term success.
Drawing lessons from the teachings of the ancient Stoics can be instrumental for entrepreneurs looking to create a profitable, meaningful, and sustainable business. Through the understanding of perspective, acceptance, resilience, and purposeful decision-making it is possible to not only survive but thrive in even the toughest of situations. By taking time to reflect on the words of the Stoics, entrepreneurs can find peacefulness in the process and build a business that will stand the test of time.
]]>There are many books out there on the topic of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), so it can be tough to know which one is right for you. In this Scattered Minds book review, we'll take a close look at what makes this book different from the rest and whether it's truly the best ADD book ever written.
ADD is a complex condition that can present itself in a variety of ways, so it's important to find a book that will speak to your specific experience. Scattered Minds, written by Dr. Gabor Mate, does an incredible job of providing readers with an in-depth understanding of ADD while also offering practical tools for managing symptoms. Let's take a closer look at what makes this book so special, but before we do it's important to note that since Scattered Minds was first released in 1999, the condition has been renamed from ADD to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). For sake of continuity, this blog will refer to it by the name used in the book (ADD), though the two terms are entirely interchangeable.
An Multilayered Understanding of ADD
One of the things that sets Scattered Minds apart from other books about ADD is its emphasis on understanding the condition from both a medical and personal perspective. Dr. Mate weaves together his experience as a physician with his own experiences as a man, husband, and father dealing with ADD to provide readers with a comprehensive overview of the condition. He discusses both the positive and negative aspects of having ADD and offers insight into how symptoms can impact every area of life. This holistic approach is rare in books about ADD and provides readers with a greater sense of empathy and understanding.
Core Ideas
ADD is not a medical condition, it is the result of poor attachment relationships in early life that create an environment from which ADD can flourish. As Gabor write: “Instead of asking why a disorder or illness develops, we ask why a fully self-motivated and self-regulated human personality does not.”
The “tuning out” that is the hallmark of ADD often developed as a coping mechanism to the unnatural situation of childhood trauma, abuse, and/or neglect.
The path to healing includes compassionate self-parenting as well as the development of proper habits in the spheres of physical space, sleep, nutrition, exercise, nature, recreation, creative expression, and mindfulness and meditation.
@my_so_called_mind Replying to @⭒ELIJAH⭒ The Problem Is Separation Anxiety… #scatteredminds #adhd #nightowl ♬ Ylang Ylang - FKJ & ((( O )))
Practical Tools for Managing Symptoms
In addition to offering an in-depth understanding of ADD, Scattered Minds also provides readers with practical tools for managing symptoms. Dr. Mate covers everything from diet and exercise to sleep hygiene and time management in an effort to help readers find what works best for them. He also includes tips for dealing with common ADD challenges like procrastination, disorganization, and impulsivity. One of the things that makes this book so special is that it doesn't try to cookie-cutter solutions; instead, it provides readers with the tools they need to create their own unique plan for managing their symptoms.
Conclusion
If you're looking for a book about ADD/ADHD that will provide you with an in-depth understanding of the condition while also offering practical tools for managing symptoms, then Scattered Minds is definitely worth checking out. It's rare to find a book that does such an excellent job of covering all aspects of ADD, which is why I believe it is one of, if not the, best ones out there.
Have you read Scattered Minds? What did you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
]]>How Is It Possible For Extroverts To Have Social Anxiety?
There are several factors that could potentially be at play when an extrovert experiences social anxiety.
How To Manage Social Anxiety If You're An Extrovert
The good news is that, no matter what the cause of your social anxiety is, there are things you can do to manage your symptoms and improve your quality of life.
Most importantly, it's vital to remember that although social anxiety can feel debilitating at times, it is a condition that you can manage, and you do not have to fight it alone. One of the great benefits of the age we live in is that there are more resources available, and more communities to turn to for support and guidance, than ever before.
So, if you're an extrovert struggling with social anxiety, know that with the right tools and support, you can overcome social anxiety and live a fulfilling and wonderfully extroverted life!
]]>In A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose Eckhart Tolle quotes Shakespeare in writing “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” In highlighting this passage, Tolle presents one of the key ideas in self-healing: our life experience is dependent almost entirely on our perspective.
Take Viktor Frankl and Epictetus for example; the former showcased an impenetrable inner strength while spending 4 years in a German death camp during World War II, and the latter overcame being birthed into a 30-year slave sentence to become one of the most revered philosophers of all time. In both cases, the men were presented with what could have been insurmountable hardships, and yet they both chose to see these experiences as opportunities for life-defining personal development.
Why It Matters
It is this choice of perspective, more than anything else, that determines the quality of our lives. If we allow our thinking to be controlled by external factors such as our emotions or the opinions of others, we will never evolve past our experiences.
Instead, we must learn to take control of our thoughts and use them constructively. As Tolle so vividly puts it,
"Thinking is a wonderful tool if it's applied. Thinking, however, can not become the master. Thinking is a very bad master."
When faced with difficult situations, it is often tempting to give in to negative thinking. We may tell ourselves that we are not good enough, that we will never succeed, or that we are powerless to change our circumstances. However, these thoughts serve only to keep us trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and negativity.
If we want to improve our lives, we must learn to question our negative thoughts and reframe them in a manner that promotes healing and growth. No matter what life throws our way, we always have a choice in how we respond. By taking control of our thoughts, we can choose to see even the most difficult situations as opportunities for growth. In doing so, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and set ourselves on the path to self-improvement.
How To Change Your Thinking
If you find yourself struggling with negative thinking, there are a few things you can do to start changing your perspective.
Most importantly, keep in mind that changing your thinking is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be setbacks and relapses along the way, but as long as you keep moving forward, you will eventually reach your goal. Remember: every thought is an opportunity to make a choice between growth - and stagnation.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” - Viktor Frankl
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The answer to building better habits is deceptively simple. Here it is:
Take whatever ideal you’re trying to accomplish and immediately do the simplest, easiest, quickest thing you can do that gets you nearer to it, even if only minutely so. Run one flight of stairs. Drink one extra glass of water. Read one page. Whatever action creates the least amount of resistance inside you, or that you can accomplish fast enough that your mind doesn’t have the time to build the resistance to it, do that thing as quickly as you possibly can.
What most people do wrong is try to climb the entire mountain before sunrise. They try to win the trophy during training camp. They decide - usually via a fleeting, unsustainable moment of inspiration (or even worse, self-loathing): “I’m going to get in shape” and instead of taking a moment to recognize and prepare for the long, arduous battle that accompanies any goal worthy of accomplishing, they rush out to join a gym, decide to train every other day, and after vastly overdoing the very first session, suddenly find themselves back on the couch, sore and deflated, cursing themselves for signing up for a year-long gym membership they know they’ll never use again.
Their mistake was failing to recognize that while the ideal might be the inspiration, it’s not the goal. The GOAL is to build a habit. To do something consistently enough - for a long enough period of time - that meaningful progress has no choice but to appear.
The battle isn’t even against the thing itself, it’s against the voice inside our head that keeps telling us that we can’t do it, that it’s too hard, that it’s not worth the effort, that we’ll never be enough.
And so that’s how we beat it, that’s how we win the war, by doing the simplest, easiest, quickest thing we can possibly do in that moment. And once we do that, instead of patting ourselves on the back and adding ten more items to the list - or immediately progressing to a much tougher challenge - we come back the next day and do that same simplest, easiest, quickest thing again. And then again. And again. And again. For a few weeks, at least. We do it at the same time, in the same way, again, and again, and again. Because we know now, we’re not trying to attain an ideal, we’re trying to build a habit. And habits take time.
So go ahead, try it out: build yourself a habit.
Find your thing, do it for weeks on end, and observe - in wonder most likely - how much less resistance your mind puts up when it’s finally time to move on and add a bigger challenge.
Because that’s the real win here, the true life-changing treasure: facing off against the voice in our head that says we can’t - and showing it who is the one that's actually in charge.
“I build habits,” I often remind myself, “whether I like it or not.”
Inspired by the teachings of Atomic Habits
If that sounds like you - if those words sound eerily similar to what you've told yourself when attempting to meditate - I have some bad news for you:
You have been, as I did for much longer than I care to admit, meditating all wrong.
I know, I know, all the self-serving gurus and social media influencers have been telling you for years that "there's no wrong way to meditate," but ironically enough, they are the ones who are wrong. Tragically so. Because while it is true that there are many ways to meditate, even properly so, there is one key attribute that, if not eradicated from your meditative practice, ultimately and inevitably renders it ineffective. Here it is.
When we go into meditation with the goal of achieving something - clarity, joy, a quiet mind - we are, in that very moment, creating the conditions for disappointment. When we have an end goal in mind, when we are seeking a specific outcome from our meditation, we are inherently setting ourselves up for failure because the simple fact of the matter is this:
The only true goal of meditation is simply to observe our thoughts, as well as the physical and emotional reactions they elicit.
That's it.
Not to find inner peace, not to rid yourself of anxiety or find more patience around your kids or significant other, and definitely not to silence the mind completely - something that, by the way, is impossible for 99.999999% of people and thus not a worthy goal for us to chase after.
Because while you likely will experience a reduction of stress and anxiety, you likely will find yourself less easily triggered, you likely will attain a separation between yourself and your thoughts, those are all side-effects of meditation, not its goal.
Remember: The only true goal of meditation is simply to observe our thoughts, as well as the physical and emotional reactions they elicit.
So if you find yourself still struggling to meditate "correctly," if you are still beating yourself up for not being able to clear your mind, if you still feel like meditation is something you just can't do, it's time to change your perspective and begin anew.
Stop trying to achieve a goal and simply observe what is happening in the present moment.
Watch your breath. Notice the thoughts that come up. Acknowledge the emotions and physical sensations that the thoughts trigger. And then let them go, like a soap bubbles passing through the air before popping into nothingness.
One highly effective strategy to help yourself transition to this critical meditative shift, especially when you catch your mind wandering away with a thought rather than simply observing it, is to repeatedly ask yourself one simple question:
"What will I think next?"
This seemingly innocuous question accomplishes two highly powerful mental adjustments that will likely end your meditation frustration and transform your practice into something you actually look forward to and enjoy.
First, it forces you to be more present and aware of the thoughts you are having by repeatedly bringing your attention back to the task at hand: observing your thoughts. Essentially, this question takes over the heavy-lifting portion of your meditative practice by keeping you from getting lost in thought.
Second, by asking yourself what you will think next, rather than what you are thinking now, you create a sort of "meditation hack" to put distance between yourself and your thoughts, giving you a first-hand understanding of one of the most ideas of any self-healing practice:
I am not my thoughts, I am the observer of my thoughts.
Or as Eckhart Tolle wrote in his transformative book A New Earth:
What a liberation to realize that the 'voice in my head' is not who I am. 'Who am I, then?' The one who sees that. The awareness that is prior to thought.The space in which the thought - or the emotion or sense perceptions - happens.
So if you, like me, found meditation to be incredibly frustrating and unproductive the first two or three (or twenty!) times you tried, please, give it one more go - but this time not to get anywhere or to achieve anything, just to be present, just to watch.
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Three books that will transform your meditative practice, your mindset, and hopefully your life:
The Power Of Now - Eckhart Tolle
Full Catastrophe Living - Jon Kabat Zinn
Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
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Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor known for to his commitment to justice and virtue. Aurelius was also a prolific writer about self-improvement, penning a collection of notes to himself that remain as powerful and transformative today as it did when written some 2000 years ago.
In Meditations, Aurelius instructs himself to look out for 4 specific “habits of thought” - or mental patterns - and when spotted, to immediately work to eliminate them from his mind. Here they are:
Unnecessary Thought
Maybe the key idea of Stoicism, continuously observing the mind and eliminating any active concern about the things that we don't control is what the Stoics believed was the surest path to contentment.
What someone thinks of us, whether or not we get the job, when or how we'll die – all of it is ultimately out of our control, so worrying about it, feeling fear or shame about it, does nothing for us. Such worrying is empty calories in the most destructive way.
Thoughts That Are Destructive To Others
In Meditations Aurelius writes:
Let your one delight and refreshment be to pass from one service to the community to another.
Aurelius reminds himself not to just do good every now and again, but to make it the entire purpose of his existence. From one service to another. The most powerful man in the world, instructing himself that his one delight, his one joy, ought to be helping his community.
With that perspective, it's easy to see why Aurelius would oppose any thought pattern that moved him away from love and understanding and towards destructiveness. Whether it's in the physical sense or even just within his own mind, Aurelius' writings show a man uniquely focused on uplifting others, not tearing them down.
False Thinking
Aurelius reminds himself to watch for and eliminate thoughts that betray his true nature: thoughts that are inauthentic or deceitful - be it in his relations with others or when speaking to himself. Lying, putting on appearances, being self-serving, all of these thought patterns can only lead to a life lived in conflict and unhappiness. The answer then is to move towards thoughts and actions that are in line with our highest nature as beings. As he writes:
To say what you don't think, the definition of absurdity.
When You Reproach Yourself
Since Aurelius' Meditations was originally written in Greek, each translation is slightly different in how this part of the passage is written, making an exact interpretation difficult. However, if one were to venture a guess - based on all of Aurelius' writings - this habit of thought could very well refer to the type of thinking that breeds shame, guilt, and self-pity.
Being a human being is tough work, mistakes are inevitable. But wallowing in them? Keeping them in the pit of our stomachs? Carrying them with us, long after any value has been extracted from them?
That - can only ever be the product of poor thinking.
And so, if the goal is to live a calmer and more enlightened life, it only follows that we should make an effort to eliminate any thought patterns that move us away from that ideal. Excavating our mind for unnecessary thoughts, dishonesty and inauthenticity, thoughts that don't serve a member or the whole of our community, and self-defeating thought patterns - is, according to Aurelius, the surest path to a life lived in accordance with our true nature.
]]>If there was one message that would best sum up Dr Harry Barry's work in the field of panic disorder it's that the quickest and most effective way to eliminate panic attacks is to stand still and face them head on.
As hard as it will be for those suffering from panic attacks to believe, Dr. Barry stresses them to some of the most easily-treatable mental health conditions, and that the success rates for proper application of a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) approach dwarfs all other panic attack interventions. But before we explore this philosophy, let's first define what we're dealing with.
Panic Attack Symptoms
Panic attack symptoms can vary from individual to individual depending on the specific manifestation of their panic disorder, but the most common physical symptoms include:
- Sweating
- Shortness of breath
- Racing heart rate or palpitations
- Dizziness
- Nausea or abdominal distress
- Hot flashes or chills
- Chest pain or discomfort
In addition to these physical sensations, a panic disorder and panic attacks tend to come paired with a host of mental health symptoms including panic, intense fear, distress, discomfort and even terror. Some panic attack sufferers may suffer from derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself), as well as the fear of going crazy or losing control.
This panic attack symptoms list above is by no means comprehensive but it may serve as a helpful reference point for panic disorder sufferers who are experiencing panic attacks.
Dr Harry BarryDr. Harry Barry is a panic disorder specialist and author of several books about panic disorder, panic attacks and anxiety. Dr. Barry has been helping people overcome panic disorder for over 30 years, during which time he's employed cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) as his main tool to treat panic attack sufferers from all around the world. Dr. Barry is also an accomplished author, penning 9 books on mental health issues, including the critically-acclaimed Anxiety And Panic - How to reshape your anxious mind and brain, which is an absolute must read for anyone suffering from generalized anxiety disorder or panic attacks.
Panic Disorder Origins
According to Dr Barry, the root of a panic disorder is a misunderstanding of panic attacks. That's because panic is nothing more than an evolutionary response to a perceived threat. It is precisely because we feel anxiety and panic that we were able to survive as a species.
The problem, says Dr Barry, is that the modern-day mind misunderstands what panic attacks are trying to communicate, which causes our brains to assign inaccurate meanings to these events. When repeated often enough, the process of perceiving threats that aren't actually there (I'm dying of a heart attack, my friend will never forgive me, intimacy always leads to pain etc), the sufferer begins to anticipate the fear and anxiety, thus creating a panic disorder.
Why Panic Attacks?
When the part of the brain known as the amygdala experiences an event (or thought) it interprets as dangerous or life-threatening, it releases a surge of chemicals like adrenaline (epinephrine) and cortisol to enable the individual to deal with the danger. The problem, however, is that the amygdala - being the somewhat primitive part of the brain that it is - misinterprets many innocuous sensations as genuine threats. In fact, the amygdala can be devastatingly terrible at distinguishing between a real threat – such as coming across a tiger in the woods – and an unlikely perceived one – such as fainting during a big presentation at work.
In the latter example, if the presenter suffers from panic attacks or an anxiety related condition, the amygdala - and thus the body - will fire off in the exact same way it would when facing the tiger: the muscles will contract in anticipation of having to fight or flee, the breathing will quicken and become shallower to better oxygenate the blood, the hands may become cold as blood rushes away from the extremities to major muscle groups, and the heart will race as it works to facilitate all the above.
Of course, since the threat is not as obvious in the workplace as it is in the jungle (and, in many situations, is even less obvious than that), the person experiencing the panic attack assigns inaccurate meaning to the event – most often that they are in the midst of a heart-attack, losing control, or “going crazy”.
How To Stop Panic Attack Symptoms
According to Dr Barry, the key to stop panic attacks is first in educating individuals suffering from panic disorders about the physiology of their experiences, and then assuring them that while symptoms of panic-attacks are uncomfortable, they are not dangerous, a central idea in all of Dr Barry's writing. According to Barry, not even repeated panic attacks pose a risk to the body. After all, what good would a threat-reaction system be if it damaged its host in the process?
Armed with this knowledge, Dr Barry instructs his patients to forgo the deep-breathing exercises and distraction strategies that are prevalent in so much of panic disorder literature. Barry does so under the belief that these panic disorder "strategies" serve only to signal the brain that there is indeed a threat to be dealt with, unnecessarily prolonging the process of a panic attack. Instead Barry recommends anyone caught in the midst of unexpected panic attacks pretend their "feet are glued to the ground” while taking note of the physical sensations racing through the body through the eyes of an impartial observer.
According to Barry, experiencing panic attacks in this way allows the physiological process to cycle through as intended, a process which, incredibly enough for anyone who's battled through hours-long attacks, will resolve itself in no longer than 10-15 minutes. In fact Dr Barry asks his patients to try purposely triggering panic attacks as a way to regain control and perfect the strategy. What patients often find is that intentionally manufacturing a panic attack is extremely difficult to do (like the reverse of someone telling you not to think about a pink elephant), a realization that can in and of itself bring an incredible sense of power to what once seemed like a powerless situation. And although confronting the anxiety monster head-on can seem like a frightening undertaking, Dr Barry points out that continuing to experience panic attacks indefinitely should seem a lot scarier.
“The more you try to run away from a panic attack, the more it will run after you; so go towards the symptoms.” - Dr Harry Barry
So the next time a panic attack or bout of anxiety has you running away from your emotions, glue your feet in place and work to find comfort in your discomfort.
]]>"Turn and face your enemy once, it will never be an enemy again." -Dr Barry
Stoic teachings encourage a particular way of thinking that people with mental health conditions such as anxiety, panic attacks, and depression have reported to find extremely effective at creating a deep sense of inner-calm and self-control, even in the face of intense hardships.
With that in mind, let's look at five Stoic teachings for living a calmer, happier life.
If there is one idea Stoicism is most well known for, and the one it values most, it's the acceptance of things we cannot control. In fact, ancient Stoics bordered on the obsessive when it came to the repetition of this philosophy in their writings. Over and over again, seemingly in an infinite different number of ways, came the message:
Epictetus: People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.
Marcus Aurelius: Don't desire what you have no control over.
Seneca: It is not due to things that we suffer, but to our thoughts about the things.
Epictetus: If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Seneca: Fate leads the willing, and drags along the unwilling.
Marcus Aurelius: All external things are naturally attached to you only; they come to you and belong to you alone. It is only your thoughts about these things that have to be separated.
When consuming Stoic literature, it's clear that ridding our mind of anxiousness or concern about things we can not control is the basis for everything else that flows from its philosophy. These "uncontrollables" include: our health (which we can influence somewhat but never control), reputation (which we can similarly influence but not control), and random events out in the world around us such as a negative interaction with a stranger, or the death of a loved one.
Stoic teachings encourage us to focus our energy on the only two things we can control: our thoughts and actions. As the Stoic philosopher-king Marcus Aurelius reiterates in Meditations with near compulsion: "The happiness and misery of your life depend upon the quality of your thoughts: for the soul is modified by the images presented to it."
Perhaps a surprising teaching to follow one about not worrying about what we can control, but it's important to differentiate between Stoicism and philosophies centered on unyielding positive thought that have risen in popularity over the past two decades thanks to works like The Secret and The Power Of Now. Because while both are great works with valuable teaching, Stoicism believes in experiencing life in all its glory, pain and pleasure alike, and is focused simply on the acceptance of whatever may come. In fact, Stoic philosophy champions reflecting on negative outcomes in our lives as well, be it the loss of our belongings, our loved ones, or even our own lives.
Although the idea of picturing the worst case scenario may seem anxiety provoking to some, perhaps even masochistic, the Stoics believed that by taking the time to practice negative visualization, we strengthen ourselves against future challenges and prepare our minds for the battles we will all have to face.
Building on the teaching above, Epictetus once compared two individuals: one who imagines that all of his wishes will come true and another who believes only a few of his desires will be fulfilled. He referred to the first as a spoiled child and the other as an adult - perhaps not the most creative analogy but one that effectively illustrates the relationship between desire and contentment.
Although having wishes and desires is a normal part of the human experience, it should never be mistaken for expectations. According to the Stoics, excessive focus on the outcome of events can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction when things don't go as planned. By learning to accept life as it is, we allow ourselves to experience its beauty more fully, while freeing ourselves from the emotional baggage of resentment and regret.
"I am a single limb of a larger body - a rational one." -Marcus Aurelius
Although Stoicism is a philosophy focused primarily on personal improvement and self-empowerment, Stoic teachings constantly remind us to consider how we can improve the lives of those around us through our kindness and generosity. As the Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote about our responsibility to the whole: "We are not born for ourselves alone."
By stepping outside our own goals and desires, and practicing kindness towards others, we achieve the dual benefit of not just bringing joy to the lives of those around us, but instilling a sense of calm and purpose in our own lives.
As modern-day philosopher Gary Vee says: "karma is practical."
Before there were inspirational quotes, there was Marcus Aurelius, who wrote the following in Meditations: "Dig deep; the water - goodness - is down there. And as long as you keep digging, it will keep bubbling up."
Central to this teaching is the idea that nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes. In other words, the only way to achieve happiness and live a peaceful, content life is to commit ourselves fully and completely. Of course we can't always control the events that happen around us, but we can choose how we respond to those events, and do so with unwavering discipline through practice, consistency, and focus.
By practicing these five simple lessons every day of our lives, by continuing to dig, we can achieve not only a happier, less anxious existence but one that is more passionate and fulfilling. In this way, we can overcome the obstacles presented by life with a sense of calmness, rationality, and reason - traits that have been revered since the time of the Stoics, but are more important today than ever before.
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What Gary Vee is indirectly referencing in the clip above is the Stoic philosophy of Memento Mori, which is translated as “remember you will die.”
The ancient Stoics who lived about 2000 years ago were obsessed with the idea, and wrote endlessly about the benefits of keeping death at the forefront of our minds.
They believed that by remaining aware of our own mortality, we could lead a calmer, more purposeful, and more deeply meaningful life.
The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote:
You may leave this life at any moment: have this possibility in your mind in all that you do, or say, or think.
Epictetus, a man born into a 30 year slave sentence added:
Let death and exile, and all other things which appear terrible be daily before your eyes, but chiefly death, and you will never entertain any abject thought, nor too eagerly covet anything.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca added some functional suggestions for how to embody this philosophy, writing:
Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.
So whether it's how hot Johnny thinks you are, or how you choose to deal with your loved ones today, keep Memento Mori in mind, or as Marcus Aurelius wrote:
You can discard most of the junk that clutters your mind. And you will immediately make vast space for yourself .
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]]>@my_so_called_mind How To Stop Caring What Other People Think - by @garyvee & the Ancient Stoics @My So Called Mind ♬ UNDERWATER WONDERSCAPES (MASTER) - Frederic Bernard
“People out for posthumous fame forget that generations to come will be the same annoying people they know now. And just as mortal. What does it matter to you if they say x about you, or think y?” Marcus Aurelius
We all know we shouldn't worry about what people think of us, and yet we still do. Constantly. Until it literally make us ill. We let it influence how we feel about ourselves, we let it affect the decisions in our day-to-day life, we even allow it to dictate the types of dreams we pursue (or don't). Looking at it in this way, it seems mad that we would relinquish that much control over our existence to another person - and yet we do it every day, often to strangers and people we don't even like!
But the truth is that worrying about what other people think is a mental health issue that's spanned the entire course of human existence, existing in works spanning back thousands of years. Nowhere is this more true than in Stoic philosophy, which originated in ancient Greece and Rome around the year 300 BC. Stoic philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, Seneca The Younger, and Epictetus wrote at length about the topic, offering useful, practical wisdom to combat what they saw as one of a number of mental health issues that needed to be conquered and defeated.
With that in mind, let's take a look at some core Stoic beliefs and how we can apply them into our daily life so we can stop worrying about what others think of us.
Focus only on what you can control.
If there was one key maxim that encompassed everything Stoicism stood for, it would undoubtedly be to focus only on what you can yourself control.
And as we all know from unfortunate, repeated experiences, there is nothing less in our control than other people's opinion of us. Fortunately, the Stoics believed that these opinions only possess power if we allow them to. As former slave turned transcendent philosopher Epictetus wrote: "we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens."
According to Stoicism, since our reputation with each individual person is mostly out of our control (though we can certainly do our part to influence it by being a kind, caring person), Stoic philosophy dictates that we work to break free from its hold and instead focus on the only two things that are deeply within our control: our own thoughts and actions.
In other words, other's opinions of us should not even be a part of the equation. Whether they think we're amazing human beings or a total abomination is simply not relevant to our existence. When we let others opinions become our business, we open ourselves up to all sorts of unnecessary anger, stress, sadness, and anxiety. In the same way that others shouldn't get to dictate what or how we think, we have to release the desire to control what or how they think. It's simply none of our business what goes on in the minds of others.
As Marcus Aurelius said: "other people's mistakes are not your concern. People's opinions are their own affair."
We're often concerned about other's opinions of us because we think that they'll be the ones who are affected if we don't act or behave in a particular way. We worry other people will laugh at us, judge us, ostracize us, mistreat us. But the reality of the matter is that in the vast majority of cases, the people we're worried about won't even be there to find out how it all played out. When we allow other people - particularly strangers (such as on social media, for example) - to influence our decisions, we end up being the only ones who suffer the consequences and it directly impacts our mental health. The same people we believe are so wrapped up in their opinions about us will go on about living life and continue with their own issues and busy thinking, completely oblivious to what we are, and are not, doing. So if they won't be there to cheer us on when we succeed, and won't support us when we fail, why exactly do we care what they think?
It's a common belief that people's thoughts about us matter because there are specific expectations we need to be following - whether it be going along with mundane social norms, conforming to others' ideal about what is "right," or living our lives based on someone else's expectations, such as a good friend or family member. However, the Stoics understood that other people's opinions should hold no weight over us as they aren't the ones in control over what type of person we are at our core and how much goodness we put out in the world.
As Epictetus wrote: "other people's views and other people's mistakes are irrelevant to morality."
So as long as we remain true to ourselves, to our own experiences, and to our own inner-compass, views from the outside should bear no impact on our human journey.
Perhaps the most senseless part of tying our self esteem to the thoughts and opinions of others is that we do so even though we likely hold a completely different set values than they do. How could another person possibly judge us if they don't even know what truly makes us us? And how can we put any weight in the opinion of someone whose values we haven't - and likely can't - audit?
The reality is that by taking the time to ask ourselves "what values are most important to me?" and find and answer we feel confident in, no opinion can ever truly hurt us as long as we stay true to ourselves and remain on our chose path. As for everything else, as Seneca said: "the opinion of the public means nothing to me."
The Stoics believed that our personal relationships are some of the most important resources we have, but that not every relationship was created equal. The Stoics encouraged filling our life with the right few people - those who are accepting, kind, forgiving, encouraging, and empowering. These are the types of people who will push us to do better, be better, and live a better life. As Marcus Aurelius wrote: "all our other relationships exist for the sake of one, that with reason."
The most important thing we can do for our self esteem then is to surround ourselves with people who are like us in spirit - who encourage our growth and believe in the good of what we're doing. Being connected to others who can pick us up when we're down, support us when we fall, and celebrate with us the good things that happen in our life is one of the greatest resources available to us and it's high time we take advantage of it by riding our mind of all the things keeping it from the present moment.
The Stoics stressed the importance of preparing for worst case scenarios - going so far as to recommend we visualize our own death. As Marcus Aurelius wrote "daily you should practice dying." Therefore, by imagining other people's disapproval of us, their criticisms, and all other possible consequences resulting from our choices in life ahead of time, we are more likely to remain unfazed when they actually occur. Preparing for the consequences of other people's disapproval ahead of time also empowers us to remain true to our deepest values.
When you really think about it it's easy to see that it's literally impossible to please everyone, even the Dalai Lama has haters! And yet, when speaking of a figure like the Dalai Lama, all the amount of hate and judgement in the world wouldn't erase the work he's dedicated his life to, nor influence his opinion of himself. Marcus Aurelius once wrote: "other people's errors are not for us to judge, because only they are qualified to do that," and much in the same way, even our errors are ours alone. How could anybody accurately judge us if they are not "qualified" in what makes us who we are?
So the next time you find yourself obsessing about something that's made you feel self-conscious, ask yourself, how does this affect the way I've chosen to live life? And if it doesn't, recognize that, in the grand scheme of things, it truly does not matter and that the only thing it accomplishes is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy filled with worry, fear, and doubt.
After all the worrying, all the stressing, all the moments lost worrying about what a seemingly-infinite number of people think about us, the sad but simple truth is that, in life most people simply aren't doing it nearly as much as we think. The average person filters their experience primarily through the lense of their own lives - and the problems they themselves are dealing with deep in their own mind - to spend time thinking about other people. If you doubt the accuracy of that statement simply ask yourself how much time YOU spend each day thinking negatively about other people. Either the answer is the most common one of "not very much at all," or it reveals a larger problem (your own negative thinking!), which is likely being manifested as the low self-esteem you're now trying to solve.
Perhaps the most powerful tool to overcome other people's perceptions is deep and honest empathy. By imagining what other people have or are experiencing that has led them to think the way they do - which no doubt requires practice - we have a greater chance of understanding their perspective without becoming emotionally attached to its most negative aspects. When we're able to see other people as humans simply struggling with their own problems just like us (and often with much less self-awareness), it allows us to replace our self-consciousness with a sense of kindness and humility.
"Kindness is king of all virtues and can make a person invincible." - Seneca
Keep your attention focused entirely on what is your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours. - Epictetus
As Epictetus explains in the quote above, another person's opinion truly has nothing to do with our thoughts about ourselves. Our need to be liked by other people directly affects our ability to enjoy life and the world around us, and the only way to overcome the anxiety and worry that comes along with it is to realize that, as with most things, no amount of worrying, thinking, or even adapting our behavior can turn enemies into friends.
So the next time other people's judgements rear their ugly head and threaten to overpower your self-worth, remind yourself nobody knows your struggles, nobody can see into your mind or intention, and most importantly nobody should have the power to dictate the path any of us have chosen.
My life, my rules.
In his most famous work Meditations, Marcus Aurelius instructed himself: "every night when you go to bed, reflect on the events of the day. What did you do wrong? What could you have done better? Are you satisfied with the way things turned out? It is in your power to avoid certain issues; where can you improve?"
There's no better way to overcome other people's judgements than to take the time you would have wasted worrying about them and reflect on your own actions. The ability to learn from our mistakes is truly one of the most rewarding human experiences and one which we should put to use daily. By reflecting on our thoughts and actions in this way, not only will we enable ourselves to build the best path forward towards whatever it is we want to accomplish with our time in this life, but it will allow us to stand resolute in the face of even extreme adversity, regardless of anyone's opinion.
As Marcus Aurelius so wisely wrote: "all you have to do is to be attentive to the power inside you and worship it sincerely."
Perhaps if he were living today he might add: Haters be damned!
READ MARCUS AURELIUS' MEDITATIONS
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The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus once wrote:
Let no one be slow to seek wisdom when he is young, nor weary in the search of it when he has grown old. For no age is too early or too late for the health of the soul.
In a similar passage, he put it more aggressively, writing:
You are no longer a boy, but a full-grown man. If you are careless and lazy now and keep putting things off and always deferring the day after which you will attend to yourself, you will not notice that you are making no progress, but you will live and die as someone quite ordinary.
According to the ancient Stoics, which is a philosophy that originated some 2000 years ago, focusing on thing they could not control – such as age, health, or past trauma – was akin to death, poisoning the only true power we as human possess, making progress in the present moment, both internally, and within our communities.
As the Roman philosopher Epictetus – a man born into a 30-year slave sentence – wrote:
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
Besides, we've all heard the saying “youth is wasted on the young,” a concept dating back at least to the time of the Stoics, with the philosopher Seneca reminding us:
Hang on to your youthful enthusiasms -- you’ll be able to use them better when you’re older.
So regardless of where you stand today, how old you are, what you've accomplished, or how far you feel you still have to go to be the person you want to be, carry with you the words of the Stoics and particularly those of Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, who wrote:
Life is short. That’s all there is to say. Get what you can from the present – thoughtfully, justly.
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But how do I find my purpose if I haven’t found it yet?
And while nobody can answer that definitively without knowing your full story, here are a few guideposts from some of the world’s most revered writers and philosophers.
Be For Others:
The American writer and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, and to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
Similarly, Roman emperor and Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote:
Since you are an integral part of a social system, let every act of yours contribute to the harmonization of social life. Any action that is not related directly or remotely to this social aim disturbs your life, and destroys your unity.
Meanwhile although he was a bit more cryptic with his advice, Friedrich Nietzsche claimed he knew of “no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible." In my understanding, what Nietzsche is saying here is that whatever it is we select as our purpose, we ought to dream big and dedicate our utmost effort to executing our vision of it.
The Persian poet Rumi took purpose in a different direction, writing:
Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.
For Rumi, the answer to finding purpose is simply in asking what are the things we love most. Perhaps, to join the two philosophies together, the next piece of advice ought to be: of all our passions, we should select the one that that creates the greatest positive impact on our loved ones and our communities.
And if those words still bring nothing come to mind, perhaps these words from Marcus Aurelius can:
You can pass your life in a flow of happiness if you can follow the right way and think and act in the right way.
Aurelius instructs himself to remain focused on kindness, and what he can control, while accepting everything the world has to offer. To let being good, thinking good, and acting good, be enough for the moment - until our true purpose can track us down.
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The symptoms can differ depending on a person’s age and which anxiety disorder they have. Symptoms may include:
Anxiety can be caused by many factors. Sometimes anxiety is related to a physical illness such as thyroid problems or asthma, or other medical conditions such as breathing disorders and anxiety disorders themselves. Furthermore, anxiety can also be caused by overwhelming life events, abuse or neglect, psychological issues in childhood related to anxiety, chemical imbalances in the brain, genetics and anxiety-prone personalities. Sometimes anxiety is triggered by a specific event or situation that may seem harmless enough when it first occurs but an anxiety disorder develops later as the sufferers begins anticipating the anxiety-producing situation.
Some anxiety is normal and beneficial — it’s a response to stress and can help us cope. But anxiety becomes a disorder when anxiety starts to interfere with daily life. An anxiety disorder may also be accompanied by other emotional disorders such as depression, substance abuse, eating disorders or obsessive-compulsive behaviors. It’s important for anxiety sufferers to remember that anxiety disorders are real, treatable medical conditions. A combination of medication and therapy may be the most effective solution for anxiety disorders.
To get diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder, a person must have anxiety symptoms more days than not, for longer than six months. In children, anxiety symptoms often last only a few months before disappearing. In adults, anxiety disorders can be diagnosed alongside other physical or mental health conditions such as depression and bipolar disorder.
As we discussed above, anxiety is a feeling of nervousness or panic that can be caused by many different factors and triggered by any number of events. Whether anxiety is just a temporary phase in your life or something more serious, there are many ways to cope with both anxiety and panic attacks, let's explore a few of them.
Dr Barry believes anxiety disorders are caused by a mixture of anxiety-prone personalities and anxiety triggers brought on by anxiety’s physical symptoms. It's important to note that Dr Barry does not believe anxiety disorders are rooted in childhood traumas. What Dr Barry does believe it that anxiety disorders is an evolutionary response to danger that has left many people with anxiety-prone personalities unable to cope with anxiety triggers.
'We all have anxiety, but it's how we deal with it,' Dr Barry said. 'There are some things you can do very quickly.'
1. Antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like sertraline (Zoloft) or paroxetine (Paxil)
2. Benzodiazepines, such as alprazolam (Xanax) or clonazepam (Klonopin). These anxiety-reducing medications are often used on a short-term basis while SSRI’s and other anxiety treatments take effect. When taking Benzodiazepines there is the danger of addiction, which is why they should be prescribed sparingly and taken for as little amount of time as necessary.
3. Beta blockers like propranolol (Inderal) and atenolol (Tenormin) are sometimes used to treat specific types of anxiety disorders.
Although anxiety medications are generally safe, anxiety drugs can in fact exacerbate anxiety, as well as create a whole host of side-effects such as dry mouth, drowsiness, nausea, and even psychotic breaks.
There are many therapies that can be used alone or in conjunction with medications for anxiety disorders. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps anxiety sufferers change anxiety-producing thoughts and behavior patterns. CBT can be used alone or with medications such as antidepressants. Similarly, Exposure Therapy can be used to treat anxiety disorders by allowing people to gradually overcome their fears by exposing them to the triggers in a safe and supervised space.
The Stoics took a different view on the subject of anxiety. They believed that acknowledging fears were an important step to overcoming them. As the Stoic philosopher-king Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations:
“Rehearse death. To say this is to tell a person to rehearse his freedom. A person who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave."
To the Stoics, panic and anxiety were not the same thing. Panic was a sudden rush of fear over what might happen, while anxiety is one’s constant contemplation or worrying about those things that might happen. It’s during this process of worry when panic sets in because panic is a response to thoughts about something negative happening. Aurelius was not suggesting to disregard one's fear but to use it as a way to appreciate one's life and reflect on what is truly important to each one of us. As Aurelius instructed himself:
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.”
Exercise has been shown to be effective in reducing anxious thoughts. A 2013 study in Psychiatry Research found that when individuals engaged in exercise they experienced a decrease in physiological symptoms of panic. This is because exercise causes the release of endorphins which are chemicals in our bodies that reduce anxiety and panic.
Physical activity can distract an individual from panic attacks by creating other physiological responses that are not panic-driven. This can be incredibly beneficial for panic sufferers who deal with panic attacks at work or school where distraction is not always possible.
There are many types of exercises to choose from so it may take some trial and error to find the one that works best for you. For example, aerobic exercise such as swimming or running while listening to fast-paced music can often be beneficial because panic attacks are usually brought about by a surge of adrenaline.Additionally, panic sufferers may want to consider yoga as yoga focuses primarily on breathing and creating awareness, which can often help reduce panic attacks.
Meditation and mindfulness exercises can help panic sufferers prevent panic attacks by bringing awareness to the often-subconscious processes of their mind, as well as helping them remain in the present moment. Moreover, panic attacks can often be triggered by runaway thoughts that spiral into panic cycle, and meditation can help panic sufferers identify those moments and end panic cycles before they get out of hand.
Vipassana meditation is the most common form of Buddhist meditation, as it teaches one to see things for what they really are with an objective and non-judgmental awareness. This form of meditation can be incredibly helpful to panic sufferers who learn to recognize panic attack triggers and how to overcome them while seeing panic attacks for what they are, an uncomfortable but not dangerous physical reaction to perceived threat
Narcissists create a trauma bond with their victims, which is defined as a psychological connection based on trauma and fear rather than love and respect. If you're wondering if you have (or have had) a trauma bond with a narcissistic partner, here are some things to look out for.
A trauma bond is an emotional connection between two people where one person repeatedly hurts the other person, but the victim is unable, or unwilling, to break free. This can happen in abusive relationships, where the victim is often drawn back to their abuser despite the pain they cause.
A trauma bond with a narcissist can look like a never-ending cycle of torment where the victim is endlessly manipulated and controlled. The narcissist will often play on the victim's greatest fears and insecurity, causing them feel both powerless and and helplessly dependent on their abuser.
People with trauma bonds with narcissists often feel like they are walking on eggshells. They constantly fear what might set the narcissist off and go to great lengths to avoid conflict. They may also find themselves making excuses for the narcissist's bad behavior or downplaying the severity of the abuse.
If you find yourself in a narcissistic relationship, it is essential to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand the bond's nature and develop healthy coping mechanisms. With time and effort, it is possible to break free from the grip of a narcissistic abuser.
One type of trauma bond is a close, emotional bond that forms between two people due to enduring trauma. The bond is characterized by trust, dependence, and neediness, often developing without the individuals realizing it. However, in the case of a trauma bond with a narcissist, the feelings of attachment are entirely one-sided and unreciprocated.
Some signs of a developing Trauma Bond with a narcissist include:
A trauma bond is a form of bonding that develops between an abuser and their victim. The victim becomes psychologically and emotionally attached to the abuser despite the abuse they suffer.
The bond is strengthened by the abuser's intermittent reinforcement of positive behaviors (such as acts of kindness or affection) mixed with negative behaviors (such as outbursts of anger or violence).
Over time, the victim comes to believe that the abuser is the only one who can provide them with what they need, and they become reliant on the abuser for their survival. This can make it very difficult for victims to leave abusive relationships, even when they are in danger.
A trauma bond is an emotional and psychological connection between a victim of trauma and their abuser. This bond is the result of the manipulation and control that the abuser exerts over their victim. The effects of a trauma bond can include:
Although it can be incredibly difficult to break free from a trauma bond with an abusive narcissist, it is important to know that it is possible and that it's okay to ask for help; in fact, it's crucial!
To break free from a trauma a bond, you must first recognize the situation for what it is: a relationship based on mental, emotional, and often physical abuse. Next, speak to a loved one or a professional such as a therapist, social worker, or police officer who can offer support. Together with your support network, devise an exit plan that will keep you safe.
Once you have safely removed yourself from the abusive environment, it's imperative to cut off all contact with the abuser so as to ensure they can't use their manipulation skills to lure you back into a toxic situation.
Finally, it's important to continue building your support network while working with a professional therapist or counselor to aid you on your healing journey.
Trauma bonds can sometimes be hard to identify because they often seem like a normal relationship until they're not. The critical difference is that while healthy bonds make you feel good, safe, and supported, the trauma bond will leave you feeling drained, anxious, and uncertain.
If you think you may be in a trauma bond with a narcissist, getting help is essential.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free phone hotlines 24/7 for anybody who finds themselves in an abusive situation. Contact the live chat line for an online conversation with an advocate, or dial 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 to reach the hotline by phone. You can also text “START” to 88788 to get help.
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Betrayal can be one of the most challenging experiences to overcome. Be it a long-term betrayal or one that happens in a flash, the effects of the trauma it creates can often feel debilitating. After being betrayed, most people experience a type of trauma known as betrayal trauma. Fortunately for our healing process, betrayal trauma follows a similar path to the process of grief, including its 5 stages. Understanding these stages will allow you to work through the healing process with more insight and awareness, so let's have a look at what those are and explore the best way to work our way through them.
The moment you first realize you've been betrayed. Your mind momentarily refuses to believe it, attempting to protect you from the pain it knows is coming. You doubt your own eyes. You doubt yourself. This can't be true, you tell yourself, even as the realization begins to dawn. It is.
AngerThis is the stage where you might lash out. You might say and do things you later regret. You are consumed by rage that can feel impossible to control. This is a natural response to betrayal; it is your mind's way of trying to protect you from the pain. The key here is to acknowledge the anger, to respect it. To have empathy for the voice in your head screaming for justice and/or destruction.
BargainingOur minds are powerful entities. Once the initial shock and anger have begun to dissipate, your mind will likely try to find a way to make sense of an often senseless experience. It will seek to create meaning where there is none. And so you might find yourself bargaining, either with the person who betrayed you - or with yourself. Now is the time to practice extreme honesty with yourself - an act of self-love that will feel anything but. One strategy is to try looking at the situation through the eyes of an objective observer, or through your own eyes watching a close loved one facing the same betrayal. What would the stranger say about what's happened? What would you say to your loved one?
DepressionThe reality of what has happened begins to sink in. The weight of the betrayal, and all that it entails, can feel crushing. You might find yourself withdrawing from friends and family. You might lose interest in activities you once enjoyed. This is a natural part of the grieving process; it is not weakness, it is simply your mind and body's way of trying to protect you from further pain. The key now is to be gentle with yourself, to give yourself the necessary time and space to grieve, and to work your absolute hardest to fill your mind with thoughts of healing and growth.
AcceptanceThe final stage of betrayal trauma is acceptance. This does not necessarily mean that you are okay with what happened, or that you have forgiven the person who betrayed you. It simply means that you have come to accept the reality of the situation, and that you are ready to begin the process of healing. Remind yourself that acceptance is a strength, not a weakness - it is a sign that you are resilient, that you are capable of overcoming whatever life throws at you. Trauma does not have to make you stronger, but overcoming it undoubtedly does!
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The first key difference between Stoicism and the LOA is that the Law Of Attraction primarily focuses on positive visualization. As Napoleon Hill famously stated:
"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."
However, this mindset is not without its pitfalls, particularly for anyone who's poured their entire being into gaining something, say a highly desired job, so much so that they believe deeply in their soul that they will get it – as the Law of Attraction dictates. Because if it so happens that the opportunity fails to materialize, it can cause the individual some serious emotional distress and even the questioning of their entire belief system.
In contrast, Stoicism actually instructs people to practice negative visualization as a way to both prepare themselves for the worst-case scenario, and also to allow them the mental space required to anticipate hardships and take the appropriate measures to negate their impact. So in the job interview example, rather than thinking “I'm so happy now that I have this job,” as a follower of the Law of Attraction might do, a Stoic would reflect on potential reasons they might not get the position, giving them time to make whatever adjustments can be made ahead of the interview to increase their likelihood of attaining it, while having a game-plan in place – both emotional, and physical - for what their next steps would be if things don't work out as they had hoped.
This brings us to the second major difference between Stoicism and the Law of Attraction and that is the Stoic belief that the purpose of life is not to long-for or attain greater wealth, or fame, or even health, it's to find deeply meaningful inner contentment with 1) what you already have, and 2) with everything that happens to you.
As the former slave Epictetus wrote:
"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: some things are within your control, and some things are not."
Now this does not mean that a Stoic can't strive towards a greater purpose, only that they will keep an even keel and maintain a satisfied mind regardless of whether they attain it, or not. As the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
So while it can seem inviting to try to manifest a big house, or a supermodel spouse, the key, according to both the Stoics and actually the Buddhists as well, is to release your sense of longing so that you can fill your being with the goals of self-actualizing, and becoming a better member of your community. As the Buddha once wrote:
“There is no fear for one whose mind is not filled with desires.”
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Friedrich Neitzsche famously wrote: “not merely bare what is necessary, but love it.”
Meaning that the point isn’t to struggle through each day just waiting for the moment it can end, what kind of life would that be? Rather, the goal is to embrace even our greatest challenges, and transform them into vehicles for growth. Amor Fati: Love Fate.
In fact, the ancient Stoics of 2000 years ago believed we must actively root for challenges so that we can learn to overcome them, strengthening ourselves in the process.
As the Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote:
"I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”
In fact the Stoics believed so deeply in the mindset of progress that Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius instructed himself:
“Never be caught complaining, not even to yourself.”
But it’s not just royalty and ancient thinkers that feel this way, psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote:
“What is demanded of man is not to endure the meaninglessness of life, but rather to bear his incapacity to grasp its unconditional meaningfulness.”
Or as the Russian writer Dostoevsky once said, "There is only one thing I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings."
Besides what choice do we have? Regardless how much we suffer, life continues on until it does not, the only question left is will we be the one leading our destiny or will we just become passengers in our own lives?
Or as Seneca summed it up:
Fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant.
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If you're struggling to rebuild your life after a traumatic relationship experience, don't worry - you're not alone. This guide will help you understand what happened, work through your feelings, and start moving forward again.
Relationship trauma is any emotional or physical abuse you experience in a close relationship. It can include things like verbal abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, and physical violence. If you've experienced any relationship trauma, it's essential to seek help so that you can heal the wounds from the past and move on with your life.
There are many ways to recover from relationship trauma, and the journey will differ for everyone. Some people find it helpful to see a therapist or counselor, while others find comfort in writing about their experiences or talking with a trusted friend or family member. Whatever path you choose, know that you can heal from this type of Trauma and that there is hope for a bright future.
Trauma can result from any experience that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and alone. Relationship trauma can occur after a single event, such as an affair, or it can result from chronic abuse, such as emotional manipulation or physical violence. Relationship trauma can impact your sense of self, trust others, and maintain healthy relationships regardless of how it manifests.
There are many signs and symptoms of relationship trauma, but some of the most common include the following:
If you're struggling with the aftermath of relationship trauma, it's essential to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can support you in healing and moving forward. With time and patience, it is possible to heal the wounds of relationship trauma and build a life that feels fulfilling and empowering.
The aftermath of a toxic relationship can be devastating. You may feel like you're walking on eggshells, never quite sure when the other person will lash out. You may be second-guessing your every move, wondering if you're doing something wrong. Constant stress can take a toll on your mental and physical health. If you're trying to heal from relationship trauma, here are a few things you can do:
A therapist or counselor can help you work through your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Equally as important, having someone who will listen and validate your feelings and experiences can be a powerfully healing experience.
Spend time with loved ones who make you feel safe and cared for. Let them know how much you appreciate their love and support.
Make sure to schedule time for activities that make you happy, whether reading, going for walks, or listening to music. Eating healthy and regular exercise will also help reduce stress levels and promote healing.
The healing process takes time, so cut yourself slack if you're not feeling better overnight. Give yourself permission to grieve and allow yourself to move at your own pace.
Writing can be a therapeutic way to express how you're feeling and work through your emotions. You may want to keep a journal or write letters you never send.
No one wants to experience Trauma in their relationships, but unfortunately, it is a reality for many people. Relationship trauma can come in many forms, from emotional abuse to physical violence. If you have experienced relationship trauma, it is essential to seek help from a professional so that you can heal and move on. In the meantime, there are some things you can do to help prevent further Trauma.
Firstly, being honest about what you need and want from a relationship is essential. If you have experienced Trauma, you may be hesitant to open up to someone new. However, honesty is key to setting boundaries and ensuring that you are in a healthy and safe relationship.
Secondly, it is essential to communicate openly with your partner. This means being able to talk about your feelings, needs, and fears without feeling judged or ridiculed. One of the best books on creating healthy relationships is the classic The Five Love Languages.
Lastly, it is crucial to trust your gut instinct. If something doesn't feel right, don't ignore your intuition. These are just some ways to protect yourself from further relationship trauma.
If you're looking for how to heal from relationship trauma, you can find a wealth of resources online. Here are just a few:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers support and resources for victims of domestic violence, including information on how to get help and heal from emotional abuse.
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) provides crisis counseling and 24/7 support for victims of sexual assault, as well as information on how to get help and heal emotionally.
The National Center for PTSD has a wealth of resources on dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder, including information on treatment options and how to get help.
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy offers a directory of therapists who can provide counseling for individuals and couples dealing with relationship trauma.
The National Mental Health Association provides information on mental health disorders, including how to get help and find a therapist.
Many other organizations offer support and resources for those dealing with relationship trauma. If you need help, don't hesitate to contact one of these organizations or a therapist in your area.
If you're struggling to heal from relationship trauma, know that you're not alone. The first step is acknowledging what happened and committing yourself to start the healing process. From there, give yourself time and space to grieve, journal about your experience, talk to a professional and focus on self-care.
Understanding how Trauma affects relationships can also help prevent future pain. By taking the time to heal now, you'll be setting yourself up for healthier and happier relationships in the future.
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This post will explore some of those steps and helpful tips for improving your self-image. We hope that by reading this post, you'll feel motivated to work on building a healthier sense of self-worth.
Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves. It's our overall opinion of ourselves, including how competent and worthy we feel. People with healthy self-esteem tend to feel good about themselves most of the time. They can cope with life's challenges and setbacks and believe they can overcome any obstacle. They also feel capable of making positive changes in their lives.
On the other hand, people with low self-esteem tend to feel inferior and worthless. They doubt their ability to cope with life's challenges and often give up easily. They may also find it difficult to make positive changes in their lives. Many factors affect our self-esteem, including our upbringing, relationships, and achievements.
And while it's normal for our self-esteem to fluctuate over time, some people experience chronic low self-esteem that can lead to problems in their personal and professional lives.
Self-esteem is important for several reasons:
People with high self-esteem are generally more confident and happier. They're also more likely to take risks and pursue their goals, which can lead to greater success in life.
People with high self-esteem tend to have healthier relationships. They're less likely to be clingy or jealous and more likely to communicate openly and handle conflict constructively.
People with high self-esteem are better able to cope with stress and setbacks.
They're less likely to wallow in self-pity or engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse. In short, self-esteem is essential for a happy and successful life. There are several ways to build self-esteem, but perhaps the most important is to focus on your strengths and accomplishments rather than your weaknesses.
It's also important to surround yourself with positive people who will support and encourage you. If you've experienced childhood trauma or have low self-esteem for any other reason, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. With time and effort, you can develop healthy self-esteem and finally start living the life you want.
It's estimated that 60% of adults report experiencing at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), such as abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction. Research has shown that ACEs can impact health and well-being, including mental health, chronic disease, and even early death. One of the most significant long-term effects of ACEs is on self-esteem.
Childhood trauma can lead to negative beliefs about oneself, such as "I'm not good enough," "I'm worthless," or "I'm unlovable." These beliefs can be deeply rooted and difficult to change. They can lead to low self-esteem, impacting every aspect of life, from work and relationships to physical health.
Fortunately, some steps can be taken to build self-esteem after childhood trauma. These include focusing on positive qualities, seeking supportive relationships, and engaging in activities that bring joy.
It is said that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. However, for many people who have experienced childhood trauma, it can feel like they are perpetually walking around with a target on their backs. If you're looking for ways to build self-esteem after childhood trauma, here are a few strategies that may help:
Don't bottle up your emotions or try to push them down. Acknowledging how you feel is an important step in healing.
Sometimes, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist who can help you work through your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
There are often others who have experienced similar things to you, and being able to share your experiences with them can be very healing.
Everyone has their own unique set of experiences and struggles. The key to feeling good about yourself is by looking at your achievements and not comparing them with others.
After experiencing trauma, it's easy to focus on everything wrong with you. But many things are right with you! Focusing on your strengths will help you start to see yourself in a more positive light.
After suffering from childhood trauma, it is common for individuals to experience low self-esteem. This can manifest in several ways, including social anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others. If you are looking for resources to help you build self-esteem after childhood trauma, here are a few options:
Seeing a therapist can be a great way to process your experiences and start to understand how they have impacted your self-esteem. These individuals can also provide tools and strategies for building self-confidence.
Support groups are often available for survivors of childhood trauma. These can provide a safe space to share your experiences and connect with others who understand what you are going through.
There is a wealth of information available within the My So Called Mind Book List about how to deal with the aftermath of childhood trauma. Reading about other people's experiences can be incredibly helpful in understanding your journey and finding hope for the future.
It's never too late to work on building your self-esteem. No matter how old you are or what kind of childhood trauma you experienced, there are things you can do to improve the way you feel about yourself. The first step is acknowledging that you have low self-esteem and that it's negatively impacting your life.
Then, start making changes to the way you think and behave. Talk to a therapist if necessary, and surround yourself with people who love and support you. With time and effort, you can overcome anything—including low self-esteem
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Trauma therapy is a type of counseling designed to help people who have experienced a traumatic event. Trauma therapy aims to help people process their emotions, learn how to cope with their experiences, and ultimately move on with their lives.
Trauma therapy usually involves talking about the event or events that led to the trauma, as well as any other related thoughts and emotions. It is important to note that trauma therapy is not a "one size fits all" approach, and the length of therapy will vary depending on the individual.
For some people, a few sessions may be needed, while others may need more ongoing support. Ultimately, trauma therapy aims to help people make peace with their past and move forward with their lives.
Trauma therapy is a process that can help people to heal the physical and emotional consequences of trauma. It usually takes over weeks or months, but the length of treatment will vary depending on the individual. Some people have a few therapy sessions, while others may need many more.
Trauma therapy aims to help people understand and process their experiences, so they can begin rebuilding their lives. There are many different types of trauma therapy, but all share the common goal of helping people to heal. If you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of trauma, please seek professional help. Trauma therapy can be an essential step on the road to recovery.
Trauma therapy is counseling designed to help people heal from psychological trauma. Trauma can include anything from witnessing a violent event to experiencing repeated exposure to abuse or neglect. While trauma can have a lasting impact on mental and emotional health, trauma therapy can help people to overcome these effects and live healthier, happier lives.
Some of the benefits of trauma therapy include the following:
Trauma therapy typically takes place over several weeks or months, depending on the needs of the individual. The length of treatment may also be affected by the type of trauma experienced. For example, therapy for complex trauma (which involves exposure to multiple traumatic events) may take longer than therapy for single-incident trauma.
However, most people who undergo trauma therapy report significant improvements in their symptoms and quality of life. If you are struggling to cope with the effects of trauma, please reach out to a qualified therapist for help.
Trauma therapy can be incredibly beneficial for people who have experienced a traumatic event. It can help them to process the event, understand what happened, and develop coping mechanisms for dealing with the aftermath.
In addition, trauma therapy can also help to prevent future trauma by teaching people how to identify and avoid triggering situations. However, trauma therapy is not a quick fix; it is a long-term process that requires commitment and patience. But for those who are willing to put in the work, the rewards can be life-changing.
Only you can know if trauma therapy is working for you. Give it some time. It might not seem to work at first but trust the process. Here are some things to look for that might indicate that trauma therapy is working:
You're starting to feel better about yourself. You might feel more confident and have more hope for the future.
You're able to talk about your trauma. This is a big step, and you start working through the trauma.
You're able to cope with triggers better. This doesn't mean that stimuli don't affect you, but you can deal with them more healthily.
You're sleeping better. Trauma can cause many problems with sleep, so if you're starting to sleep better, it's a good sign that therapy is helping.
You're taking care of yourself in general. This includes eating right, exercising, and caring for your mental health. If you're starting to take better care of yourself, it's a sign that therapy is helping you heal.
Remember, everyone heals at their own pace, so don't compare your healing process to anyone else's. Just focus on taking things one day at a time and trust that trauma therapy will help you heal in time.
Trauma therapy is a type of counseling designed to help people who have experienced a traumatic event. It can be an effective way to deal with the aftermath of trauma, but there are some associated risks.
One of the most common risks is that the therapist may inadvertently trigger a traumatic memory. This can be very upsetting and may cause the person to relive the original trauma.
Another risk is that the therapist may give the person false memories of the event. This can be especially harmful if the memories are negative and prevent the person from moving on.
Finally, some people may find that their symptoms worsen after beginning trauma therapy. If this happens, it is essential to talk to the therapist about how to proceed. Trauma therapy can be a helpful tool, but it is necessary to know the risks before starting.
It's important to remember that there is no "one size fits all" answer to how long trauma therapy takes. The treatment duration will depend on several individualized factors, including the severity and nature of the trauma, the therapist's approach, and the client's readiness. However, with dedication and commitment from the therapist and the client, progress can be made toward healing.
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If you are struggling with OCD, it is essential to seek help from a professional. There is no shame in seeking assistance, and plenty of support is available. You can get better!
OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is a mental illness that can cause sufferers to experience intense anxiety and repetitive, intrusive thoughts. It can can also lead to compulsions or behaviors that a person feels compelled to do to ease stress.
OCD can be caused by various factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, and life events. Some research suggests that childhood trauma can be a trigger for OCD. Symptoms of OCD can vary from person to person. Still, some common signs include: avoiding certain activities or places (due to fear of triggering obsessions), excessive hand-washing or cleaning, repetitive checklists or rituals, and difficulty concentrating or completing tasks.
If you think you may be suffering from OCD, it is essential to seek professional help. With treatment, many people with OCD can live symptom-free lives.
OCD can be caused by a variety of factors, both genetic and environmental. Some research suggests that OCD may be linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain, while other studies point to a family history of the disorder. However, one of the most intriguing theories is that childhood trauma can lead to OCD.
This theory is supported by the fact that many people with OCD report experiencing a traumatic event during childhood, such as abuse or neglect. Additionally, children with OCD often have difficulty forming attachments and trusting others. While more research is needed to confirm this link, it is clear that childhood trauma can profoundly affect mental health.
Childhood trauma can sometimes lead to OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can be debilitating, causing sufferers to perform repetitive behaviors or have intrusive thoughts that they can't control. While there is no cure for OCD, there are treatments that can help manage the symptoms.
Exposure and response prevention therapy is one standard treatment option. This therapy gradually exposes the patient to what they are afraid of while teaching them how to control their anxiety and resist the urge to perform their compulsive behavior.
Medication can also treat OCD, with antidepressants being the most commonly prescribed drug. In severe cases, electroconvulsive therapy may be recommended. This treatment involves sending electrical pulses through the brain to trigger a seizure. While it may sound extreme, electroconvulsive therapy can effectively treat OCD.
Many different things can cause OCD, but one potential trigger is childhood trauma. Experiencing a traumatic event can lead to feelings of anxiety and fear that can last long after the event is over. For some people, these feelings can become so intense that they start interfering with everyday life.
OCD can develop as a way of coping with these feelings. Compulsively washing your hands or organizing your possessions may help to relieve anxiety temporarily, but it can also lead to further distress and isolation. If you are struggling with OCD, it is essential to seek professional help.
Icing out can provide relief in the short term but will not address the underlying issues causing your distress. Only by seeking treatment from a qualified mental health professional can you hope to find lasting relief from OCD.
Research suggests that early intervention can prevent OCD from developing later in life. While the exact causes of OCD are not yet fully understood, it is believed that a combination of genetic and environmental factors can contribute to the disorder.
One theory is that childhood trauma can lead to OCD. This theory is supported by research showing that people who experienced trauma in childhood are more likely to develop OCD than those who did not. Early intervention can help to address the underlying causes of OCD and prevent the disorder from developing or worsening over time.
If you or someone you know is struggling with OCD, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Early intervention can make a world of difference.
Can childhood trauma cause OCD? It's a question that doesn't have a definitive answer, but there is some evidence that suggests a connection. If you're looking for more information on the topic, a few resources can help.
The first is the National Institute of Mental Health's website. They have a page dedicated to OCD that includes information on causes and risk factors, treatments, and more. They also have a list of helpful hotline numbers for people who need support.
Another resource is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America's website. They have an extensive section on OCD that covers everything from symptoms to treatment options. They also have a forum where people can share their experiences and connect with others who understand what they're going through.
Finally, working with an experienced therapist can be a wonderfully effective way to improve every aspect of your life, including OCD.
Children who experience trauma are at an increased risk for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. This can result from the child trying to make sense of their trauma and seeking control over their environment.
If you or someone you know is struggling with OCD, it is essential to seek professional help. Many resources are available to those who need assistance managing and treating this disorder.
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